Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Self-acceptance gets recommended constantly, but are we really supposed to accept the parts of ourselves we don't like? Won’t that stop us from changing? Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss what self-acceptance is, what it isn't, and why it’s the starting point for real change. They share the four stages of competence (and why conscious incompetence is where learning stalls), the two escape hatches people take from it, why harsh self-criticism is a form of avoidance, and Rick's three circles model of the act, the scared self, and the being. The Healing Link: In this new six-week live online course course, Rick will teach you how to use concepts from neuroscience to repair old wounds and change some of our most ingrained patterns. Learn more at RickHanson.com/Linking, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics 0:00: Intro 3:04: What self-acceptance is (and isn't) 6:43: The four stages of competence 10:59: Two bad exits: "idiot" self-acceptance and excessive self-criticism 13:24: Critical…

Shame is one of the hardest emotions to work with, in part because it blocks what we need most when we’re feeling shame: self-compassion. Dr. Chris Germer, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, joins Forrest to discuss how we can get around that trap. They talk about where shame comes from, how to recognize it when it’s hiding behind other emotions, and practical tools that help us experience less shame. About our Guest: Chris Germer is a clinical psychologist, lecturer at Harvard Medical School, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program with Dr. Kristin Neff, and author of the new book Self-Compassion for Shame. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: shame, hiding, and why it blocks self-compassion 2:52: What shame is and why it hides 9:45: How self-compassion changes the inner voice 13:44: The arc of working with shame 18:05: Shame as an innocent emotion 22:57: Backdraft and the wish to be loved 29:50: Self-compassion as exposure 39:43: When people really do judge you 45:33: The "shrug" 47:56:…

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the world's most researched, recommended, and criticized form of therapy. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen joins Forrest to talk about what CBT is, its history, its strengths and weaknesses, and why it's gotten such a bad rap. They walk through the common criticisms: that it's spreadsheet therapy, that it's a form of self-gaslighting, and that it has an, er, "complex" relationship with insurance companies. They then apply the best of the CBT toolkit to Ellen's areas of expertise: self-criticism, perfectionism, procrastination, and social anxiety. About our Guest: Ellen is a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and the author of How to Be Yourself and her newest book, ⁠How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists⁠. Key Topics: 00:00: Dr. Ellen Hendricksen and what differentiates CBT 7:54: Is CBT warm? 10:25: The first wave: behaviorism 19:57: The second wave: cognitive therapy and Aaron…

Pain psychologist Dr. Rachel Zoffness joins Forrest and Dr. Rick to explore what pain is, why it can persist long after an injury has healed, and what actually helps. Rachel explains why the brain, rather than the body part that hurts, is what constructs pain, the difference between acute and chronic pain, and the distinction between hurt (what you feel) and harm (what's damaged). They get into the biopsychosocial model, the "pain dial" that stress, sleep, mood, and social connection can turn up or down, the disappointing response rates for most pain treatments, why pain is absolutely not “just in your head,” what sham surgery and open-label placebo studies reveal about how pain works, and why the research is so hard to interpret. This is not medical advice. Please do not start, change, or discontinue any medication based on this episode. All decisions should be made with your doctor. About our Guest: Dr. Rachel Zoffness is a pain psychologist, assistant clinical professor at the UCSF School of Medicine, and…

Dr. Rick and Forrest talk about what separates people-pleasing from the fawn response, and why those differences affect what actually helps. They trace the surprising history behind both ideas, explain each’s relationship with trauma, and answer common questions along the way. They discuss why old friendships pull you back into old patterns, when appeasement is actually the right call, how to assert your needs when people expect you to concede, and how to figure out what you want after a lifetime of tuning into everyone else. Sign up for Dr. Rick's new Boundaries workshop, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. RickHanson.com/Boundaries Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:05: What’s the difference between people-pleasing and “just being nice?” 8:50: Common signs of people-pleasing 21:00: Where "people-pleasing" and “fawning” come from 27:00: Pete Walker, trauma, and how the two terms got merged 30:45: "Is the conflict causing my anxiety, or is my attachment style causing the conflict?" 39:10:…

Forrest is joined by his parents, psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson and nutritionist Jan Hanson, to discuss "Depleted Mother Syndrome:” the exhaustion, brain fog, and low mood so many mothers experience. They talk about how Jan hit bottom in the years after Forrest and his sister were born, why the hardest stretch often comes two or more years after birth, the problem with dismissing these experiences as "just motherhood,” and how people can recover. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro & welcome Jan! 2:39: What inspired the book 10:02: Dr. Rick’s perspective 13:30: Depleted Mother Syndrome 18:33: The accumulated impacts of motherhood 25:44: Taking care of your health as a mom 36:40: Rick & Jan’s personal experience 50:08: Small actions that maintain and repair a relationship 1:04:19: What Jan would tell her younger self Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try…

We’ve all been told to “feel our feelings,” but what does that actually mean, and how do you do it? Forrest talks with trauma therapist Simone Saunders about how to go from knowing your patterns to being able to do something about them when things get intense. They discuss what your nervous system does when it decides you're not safe, why the tools you've collected go offline in exactly the moments you need them, and how a sense of agency changes that equation. Simone walks through her three-step process for noticing a sensation, working out what it's asking for, and doing something different with it. They also talk about the functional freeze, what to do when you “don’t feel anything,” and how to relate to shame and grief. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro: overthinking, cognitive bypassing, and intellectualizing 4:42: What it means to “be in the body” 9:46: Bottom-up approaches and trauma 18:33: How to recognize disconnection and functional freeze 28:38: Moving out of a dictatorship and into a partnership with your…

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to become more resistant to manipulation, discussing terms like gaslighting, DARVO, and love bombing. They talk about why cynicism doesn’t make you immune to manipulation, and how excessive skepticism and trust can go together. They share the “handles” manipulators exploit, break down common forms of reality distortion, emotional manipulation, and situational engineering, and discuss what actually helps. Key Topics: 0:00: What is manipulation? 6:25: Are cynical people less manipulatable? 14:52: How can we become manipulation resistant? 25:51: How manipulation works 26:30: Tactic 1: Reality distortion 33:49: Tactic 2: Emotional manipulation 38:02: Tactic 3: Situational engineering 40:00: Key qualities to develop 45:17: Establishing protective systems and managing "the fuzz" 1:02:36: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Learn more…

Terms like boundaries, gaslighting, triggers, trauma, and attachment are everywhere now. Dr. Rick and Forrest answer a listener question about the consequences - good and bad - of clinical language escaping the therapy room. They then answer three more questions: an introverted listener wonders about the pressure to be social, a couple wants to know how to loosen their strict scorekeeping around household tasks, and a 27-year-old wonders whether becoming a therapist means wasting the degree they already have. Key Topics: 00:00: Introduction 1:24: Question 1: The rise, and problems, of therapy speak. 8:15: Boundaries as a tool for control 11:04: Epistemic injustice: who gets believed 14:48: The ups and downs of labels. 19:20: Question 2: Do I really need to expand my social circle if I'm happy being mostly alone? 28:23: Question 3: How do we balance household responsibilities without scorekeeping? 41:15: Question 4: I want to become a therapist, but I’m scared to change careers. What should I do? 51:30: Recap…

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore burnout: what it is, why it’s so common, and what people can do about it. They begin by framing burnout as largely a structural problem that individuals are forced to manage. They unpack the six major drivers of burnout, why some people are especially vulnerable, and how chronic stress affects the mind and body. They then turn to practical ways to recover more effectively, including psychologically detaching from work, finding more effective forms of relaxation, protecting your own self-concept, and reducing underlying vulnerabilities. Finally, they talk about how we can preserve meaning and agency when we truly can’t change our circumstances. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro and burnout as a structural issue 7:20: Six major factors of stress and what to do about them 21:57: Mindfulness, relaxation, and recovery 34:11: Protecting your own self-concept and job crafting 41:46: Reduce vulnerabilities and taking care of yourself 1:04:45: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd…

We all understand the emotional impact of grief, but its effects on the body are often overlooked. Forrest is joined by clinical psychologist and researcher Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor to explore the physiology of grief. Dr. O’Connor explains how our brains and bodies organize themselves around the people we love, creating “maps” of their presence and relying on them for physical and emotional regulation. They discuss the health risks associated with bereavement, how to care for the healing body, ambiguous loss, the difference between grief and prolonged grief, and how we can gradually build a meaningful life around loss. About our Guest: Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor is a Professor of Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Arizona and Director of the Grief, Loss, and Social Stress Laboratory. She is the author of two books on grief: The Grieving Brain and The Grieving Body. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro 4:42: The map that no longer exists 12:00: Co-regulation: the attachment figure as an external…

Some kids learn early on that the way to be loved is to be useful. They take on the emotional or practical care of their parents in a process known as parentification, and today Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the costs of being a “gifted child.” They discuss the “bargain” these kids make: suppressing their authentic self in order to fulfill a role and earn love. Over time, this bargain can harden into a false self that makes it difficult for the person to connect with their true wants and needs. They then walk through four tracks that allow us to reclaim authenticity: becoming visible to yourself, building a coherent narrative, reconnecting with what you gave up, and renegotiating relationships. Topics include the paired extremes of grandiosity and depression, why so many capable adults go blank when asked what they actually want, and why understanding a pattern isn't the same as changing it. This episode is heavily influenced by psychologist Alice Miller’s classic book The Drama of the Gifted Child. Key…

Most of what people know about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) comes from movies and short videos, and those media portrayals often have little to do with what DID is actually like. To get the real picture, today Forrest is joined by Dr. Milissa Kaufman and Dr. Lauren Lebois, experts in dissociative disorders and trauma research. Dr. Kaufman had DID herself, went through treatment, and made a full recovery. They explore the spectrum of dissociation, from everyday experiences to clinical presentations like DID, before talking about how DID develops as a childhood adaptation to trauma, the problem with the term “multiple personality disorder,” and what the brain science tells us. Milissa describes her own “inside people,” the shame and secrecy associated with DID, and the slow shift from "that wasn't me" to "that was me all along." They then cover what treatment looks like, what to actually look for in a therapist, and what recovery means. About our Guests: Dr. Milissa Kaufman is a trauma psychiatrist at…

Dr. Rick and Forrest continue last week’s conversation on avoidance coping, this time focusing on how to move from insight into meaningful action. They explore why self-awareness often isn’t enough to create change, focusing on common impediments like ambivalence, shame, and the difficulty of seeing our patterns in real time. They then unpack the practical science of change: surfacing predictions behind avoidance, testing them through right-sized experiments, and fully internalizing the outcomes. Other topics include scaffolding, state-dependent learning, the HEAL process, and what to do when the dreaded experience actually happens. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: why awareness isn't enough 4:54: Ambivalence to change 13:50: Other impediments to change22:00: How to want to change 28:42: Creating predictions 32:26: Setting up an effective experiment 43:26: Linking new outcomes to old memories 1:01:51: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Take…

We all have patterns we can see clearly…and still can't seem to stop. Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how avoidance fuels these patterns, and how we can break the avoidance loop by updating our expectations and predictions about the future. They discuss what avoidance coping is, how the brain works as a prediction machine, why that means insight alone usually isn't enough to break a pattern, and what the current science of exposure and expectancy violation says about how change actually happens. This is the first of two episodes dedicated to this topic, the second will focus on how to brave our feared experiences and go from insight to action. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro: avoidance coping and mental predictions 8:07: Five types of avoidance behaviors 17:35: The invisible cage 23:50: Predictive processing 29:49: Identity and high confidence predictions 34:30: How avoidance can perpetuate painful experiences 40:01: Exposure and the Inhibitory Learning Model 52:00: Answering common questions 56:07: Recap Support the…

Forrest is joined by one of the world's leading happiness researchers, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, to discuss the real secret to happiness: feeling loved. Dr. Lyubomirsky explains the key difference between being loved and feeling loved, why self-improvement (usually) isn’t the answer, and how giving love leads to getting love. They then walk through five mindsets that help people both get more love and feel more loved. Other topics include the vulnerability paradox, capitalization and the importance of enthusiasm, using the mindsets to evaluate our relationships, polyamory and non-monogamous love, and AI companions. You can find Sonja's diagnostic quiz at howtofeelloved.com About our Guest: Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside, and the author of a number of bestselling books including How to Feel Loved with Dr. Harry Reis. She is one of the most frequently cited well-being researchers in the world. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: connection as the key to happiness 2:31: The difference…

Last week, Dr. Rick and Forrest discussed why healthy conflict is a vital part of strong and intimate relationships. Today, they focus on the how-to of effective repair: what it looks like, why it’s so hard, and how to do it well. Together they walk through four common patterns of conflict, offering guidance on how to interrupt the cycle, turn down the heat, and get back on the same team. They offer tools such as compassionate curiosity, affectionate humor, and taking maximum reasonable responsibility. Finally, they discuss the personal benefits of healthy conflict and repair: when we have a new experience and truly take it in, we can learn that conflict doesn’t have to lead to disconnection, disappointment, or abandonment. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro and what healthy repair looks like 5:26: Red flag: the withdrawal of caring and compassionate curiosity 9:26: Initiating repair 12:24: Scenario 1: The "accidental argument" 21:10: Scenario 2: The chronic broken commitment 40:01: Scenario 3: The missed bid 1:01:38:…

Most of us are pretty bad at conflict, usually because we weren’t taught how to handle it well. But healthy conflict can be one of the best ways to deepen intimacy and trust. In this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss why conflict is so difficult, the models of conflict we inherit from childhood, healthy repair, what emotional flooding does to the brain and body during a fight, and the research on what actually predicts relationship success. They close with a handful of things that get mistaken for repair but aren't, including submission, thin apologies, and just solving the surface problem. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:19: Repair as the biggest predictor of relationship success 5:29: Models of conflict and where they originate from 16:08: What is healthy repair, and why is it so hard? 24:54: What to do about emotional flooding 30:25: When to let things go, and when to address them 38:36: What repair is and what it's not 46:47: The power of authentic apologies 57:04: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on…

Forrest is joined by neurogastroenterologist Dr. Trisha Pasricha for a conversation about the gut-brain connection, including how gut health impacts our mood and mental health. Dr. Pasricha explains how the gut and the brain communicate, how early gut experiences can shape adult anxiety and depression, why GI symptoms are often misunderstood or dismissed, and what the research actually says about probiotics, leaky gut, and detoxification. They also discuss simple, evidence-based ways to improve gut health, dispelling social-media fueled myths along the way. About our guest: Dr. Tricia Pasricha is a physician-scientist at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, and columnist for the Washington Post. Her new book, You've Been Pooping All Wrong, explains the connection between your gut, your brain, and your mental health. Key Topics: 0:00 Intro: what's neurogastroenterology? 5:48: Believing your patient 9:31: The lifelong impact of childhood gut issues…

Forrest is joined by author, meditator, and friend Diego Perez, also known as Yung Pueblo, for a conversation about right effort, the balance between pushing through and letting go, and the death of nuance in the age of social media. They start with Diego’s experience on his recent 60-day silent meditation retreat, and what that kind of practice teaches about craving, attachment, and getting unstuck from old roles. Diego frames right effort as the middle path between forcing your life and going with the flow, and that tension leads into a conversation about social media, including the appeal of reductive advice and being told what to do. Diego closes with what he'd recommend for someone who wants some of the rewards of practice without committing to a long retreat. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 2:02: Diego's 60-day silent retreat 8:17: Right Effort: balancing pursuit with letting go 15:49: Attachment, craving, and suffering 19:25: Diego's journey to the sensitive boy’s club 25:19: Resistance: a sign that something…

Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore how we can reparent ourselves, recover from emotionally immature parenting, and develop greater emotional maturity. They discuss what emotional maturity actually is, the "good enough" parent, the voices we internalize, and how adults can begin to give themselves the internal security and emotional attunement they missed in childhood. Other topics include why feeling misunderstood is so painful, the lifelong dance between connection and autonomy, and the hidden costs of authoritarian parenting. About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro & what emotional maturity looks like 7:45: Why our culture undervalues emotional maturity 12:56: The “good enough” parent 20:05: What happens to children with emotionally immature parents 27:15: Repair in adulthood 36:22: The…

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can become securely attached to ourselves: building an internal foundation that lets us connect with others, regulate our emotions, and explore the world from that secure base. They talk about how this is supposed to develop in childhood, why it doesn't for many people, and what we can actually do about it as adults. Topics include the research on early attachment, why so many of us arrive at adulthood with a strong inner critic and weak inner support, and four practical paths forward: creating a coherent narrative about your past, reparenting yourself, rescaling your sense of self in relation to others, and building self-trust through healthy exploration. Rick’s Attachment Course: Join Rick for a 5-week online course on using the research-backed HEAL method to heal insecure attachment and create new neural pathways for interacting and connecting securely. You can learn more at RickHanson.com/attachment and get 25% off with coupon code BeingWell25. Key Topics 0:00:…

If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by the options in your life, you’re not alone. Today, Forrest is joined by best-selling author David Epstein to discuss how constraints can lead to greater creativity, generativity, and, paradoxically, freedom. They trace how intentional constraints have led to some of the most influential contributions to the world, including Mendeleev’s periodic table, Viriginia Woolf’s groundbreaking novels, and Kyrie Irving’s (potential) hall of fame career. Throughout, they focus on how we can go from seeing constraints as an obstacle to appreciating them as an asset, and then apply this principle to building more meaningful and satisfying lives. About our guest: David Epstein is a renowned science journalist and the best selling author of The Sports Gene and Range. His new book, Inside the Box: How Constraints Make Us Better, comes out May 5th. Key Topics: 0:00: Why focus on constraints? 5:21: Why constraints are good for us 13:50: Time and attention as (productive) bottlenecks 17:10: Why…

Have you ever had a friend not text you back, and you’re certain that they’re mad at you? This is often a disruption in the process of mentalization: the ability to recognize that our thoughts and feelings might not be facts. Mentalization is a process we can all struggle with, but it’s particularly important for people who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). In this episode, Forrest is joined by psychotherapist and author Robert Drozek to discuss mentalization-based treatment (MBT) and the tools that can help us develop more flexibility and curiosity around our assumptions. Bob outlines the three common modes of mentalizing, explains how childhood experiences shape mentalization, and offers a map for building healthier ways of relating to our thoughts and feelings. About our Guest: Robert Drozak is a clinical social worker, the clinical director of the Mentalization-Based Treatment Clinic at McLean Hospital, and a teaching associate in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. His new…

Why does knowing we overthink not help us stop? Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss why rumination becomes a self-reinforcing habit, and why insight alone rarely helps. They distinguish between rumination and reflection, and talk about how balancing acceptance and agency can help us go from one to the other. Forrest talks about the relationship between overthinking and feelings of disappointment and failure, and Rick shares practical ways to interrupt the cycle, shift into more concrete forms of problem-solving, and finally stop ruminating. Rick's Rumination Course: If rumination is a persistent issue for you, check out Rick’s five-week online course focused on practical tools for letting go of these negative thought loops. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Previous episodes on rumination and overthinking: Breaking the Self-Awareness Trap: How to Stop Overthinking | Being Well Rumination: How to Disrupt Obsessive Thoughts Key Topics: 0:00: Intro:…

In this very special episode, Dr. Jacob Ham and associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira join me to discuss their work as trauma therapists. They talk openly about the messy, unglamorous reality of struggle, mistakes, and repair that characterizes trauma work, its nature as both art and science, how their work has changed over time, and what they’ve learned along the way. Topics include self-disclosure, working with shame and grief, dealing with situations where the client wants an apology, the difference between trauma work and more manualized approaches, therapist training and supervision, and “polishing the mirror.” I loved listening to Dr. Ham and Elizabeth talk during this episode. It’s a truly unique one, and I hope you enjoy it. About our Guest: Dr. Jacob Ham is a clinical psychologist, Associate Clinical Professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, and the Director of the Center for Complex Trauma there. He's the clinician featured in Stephanie Foo’s wonderful book What My Bones Know. Key…

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the lessons we can learn from two of Humanistic psychology’s more challenging branches: existential psychology and transpersonal psychology. Existential psychology asks what it means to build a meaningful life in the face of death, while Transpersonal psychology wonders if the individual self is what we should be so focused on. Forrest and Rick focus on the work of Rollo May, Irvin Yalom, Abraham Maslow, and Stanislav Grof, and major themes include freedom, agency, anxiety, the limits of the “self,” and how confronting these can lead to a fuller and more meaningful life. Rick’s Self-Worth Course: Starts this week! In this 6-week online course, Rick will guide you in practical, research-backed ways to release old patterns and grow a lasting sense of confidence, kindness toward yourself, and genuine self-worth. Learn more at RickHanson.com/worthy and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro and recap of humanistic psychology 6:12: History and…

Why don’t we choose the things we know are good for us? It’s usually because we’re struggling with self-regulation, one of the most important (and most misunderstood) skills out there. In today’s episode, Forrest talks with Eric Zimmer about what healthy self-regulation actually looks like, the gap between insight and action, how shame can derail us, and why most change comes down to small steps taken consistently. They discuss how to figure out what actually matters to you vs. what you want right now, the tension between acceptance and change, and how to get back on track after a slip without making it worse. About our Guest: Eric Zimmer is the creator of The One You Feed, an award-winning podcast with over 50 million downloads. He’s also the author of the new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: Why is self-regulation so important? 4:32: Moving from insight to action 8:14: Values versus desires 14:25: Eric’s sobriety journey 20:57:…

Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, Forrest explains the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then he and Dr. Rick explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro and overview of self-abandonment 4:38: What are we abandoning? 8:30: The self-abandonment loop 21:55: How a parts model can help us understand the shame 26:20: The double-bind of self-criticism 32:56: How to get out of the double-bind 41:34: Anger and resentment 49:47: Moving from shame to grief 56:15: Breaking the self-abandonment loop 1:10:22: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEINGWELL to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor…

Forrest is joined by associate therapist and his fiancée Elizabeth Ferreira for an honest, personal conversation about what it's actually like to be in a relationship when one partner is living with trauma, complex PTSD, or another ongoing mental health challenge. Drawing on their experience together, they discuss supporting without enabling, avoiding power imbalances, managing resentment, dealing with moments of frustration, and the importance of reciprocity. Elizabeth has some thoughts about the DSM. Forrest shares about how Elizabeth has supported him. It’s a good one. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro and Elizabeth’s overview 5:50: How trauma shapes you 9:05: How Elizabeth found safety in her relationship with Forrest 11:12: How the relationship helped Forrest grow 15:44: Self-discovery through relationship 21:19: How to effectively support a partner with mental illness 33:42: Being ‘sturdy’ 39:18: Navigating criticism 43:30: Communicating without resentment or shame 54:57: Avoiding stigma, and why Elizabeth wants…

Have you ever walked back into your parents' house and suddenly felt like you'd downloaded an old version of yourself? In today’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explain why through one of the most influential frameworks in psychology: Family Systems Theory (FST). FST argues that hidden rules govern the behavior of the groups we’re a part of, and when you know the rules it’s easier to see them in action. Rick and Forrest explore how systems replicate patterns of behavior, place people into specific roles, and manage anxiety through shifting alliances. They close with how we can become differentiated by building a stronger sense of self. Topics include balancing closeness and distance, triangulation, specific roles like the “golden child,” FST’s non-pathologizing stance, the intergenerational transmission of patterns, and building strong relationships outside the system. This episode includes references to self-harm. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 2:19: What’s Family Systems Theory? 12:01: Overview of big concepts in…

Forrest is joined by journalist and author Michael Easter to discuss how we can make our lives better by making them (the right kind of) harder. They start with one of modern life’s paradoxes: things have gotten much easier, but this hasn’t led to more happiness or fulfillment. Michael talks about how our biological wiring backfires in today’s world of abundance, why humans need a mission, and the vital experiences we’ve lost. Other topics include problem creep, how everything has become a slot machine, rucking, and the “super medium” body. About our Guest: Michael Easter is a professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, journalist, and best-selling author of The Comfort Crisis, Scarcity Brain, and Walk with Weight. Michael is also the author of the #1 Substack in the Health & Wellness category, Two Percent. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 2:10: How our world became engineered for comfort 7:39: Problem creep 10:49: Michael’s experience with sobriety 15:00: Abundance in today’s world: the industrial revolution,…

Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions about the freeze state, ADHD, and power imbalances in relationships. First, they talk about how to deal with feelings of shame associated with the freeze state, emphasizing how we can “be with” in order to “work with.” Then they tackle a tricky question about how psychoeducation can complicate relationships. Next up, they discuss whether rates of ADHD have actually increased, and the differences between “real” ADHD vs. symptoms of screen addiction. Finally, they talk about how to think about the right fit with a therapist. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:17: Question 1: Shame and the freeze state 19:12: Question 2: “My partner’s lack of psychoeducation is frustrating me!” 33:56: Question 3: “Why does everyone have ADHD?” 46:21: Question 4: “What’s the right amount of directness in therapy?” 56:01: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEINGWELL to find and instantly book a…

Protect your peace, set boundaries, don't let people drain your energy…there’s a lot of advice like that, and it’s easy to take it a little too far. Therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab joins Forrest to discuss the unintended consequences of the boundaries movement. They talk about how the helpful concept of boundaries led some toward isolation and rigid standards, and focus on healthy dependency: the reality that we all need other people. Nedra explains the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence, why your attachment style is more flexible than you think, and how the stories we tell about ourselves become self-fulfilling. Throughout, they focus on developing key aspects of healthy dependency: being able to ask for help, receive support, tolerate distance, feel comfortable in closeness, and repair after conflict. About our Guest: Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed therapist, relationship expert, and best-selling author with over 2 million followers on social media. Her new book is The…

What is mindfulness really? According to one fourth-grader, "Not hitting someone in the mouth." Legendary meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg joins Rick and Forrest to discuss how we can work skillfully with anger, fear, and reactivity without becoming doormats or numbing ourselves out through the lens of her new children’s book Kind Karl. They explore the protective function of anger, and how we can create more space by relating differently to our thoughts, emotions, and sense of self. Sharon shares a Buddhist lens that links anger and fear, and how looking closely at “what’s in the anger” can help us get clarity without collateral damage. Along the way, they talk about the difference between healthy moral anger and the habit of anger, how to extract the positive energy from difficult emotions without getting burned, and how lovingkindness and self-compassion can be active, strengthening forces. About our Guest: Sharon Salzberg is the co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society, a world-renowned teacher of…

Forrest and somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement and empathy before solutions). They talk about where these patterns come from, how each functions as a psychological defense, and the role of gender socialization, identity, and adaptation. The conversation also touches on trauma, nervous-system activation, and why building safety usually comes before real change. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:40: “Fixing” vs. “feeling,” and why both can be protective strategies. 6:03: Socialization and learned coping styles. 9:12: Why conflict happens 14:28: Attunement, then problem-solving. 18:35: How discomfort with emotion shapes communication 30:48: What change looks like in practice. 33:49: Trauma and nervous-system activation 42:32: Helping logical-first people open up emotionally. 46:49: “Do you want empathy or solutions?” 49:03: Teaser about Complex PTSD in relationships.…

Top performance coach and author Brad Stulberg joins Forrest to reframe and reclaim excellence. Brad explains how real excellence - involved engagement with something you care about - is the healthy middle path between over-the-top hustle-culture and detached nonchalance. They discuss the current culture of pseudo-excellence, the risks and rewards of caring deeply, how modern life can derail us, and how the real prize is the person you become while trying to reach your goals. Brad shares practical tools to build the habit of excellence: clear aims, micro-milestones, consistency over intensity, constraint-based discipline, and connection. About our Guest: Brad is a regular contributor at the New York Times, the co-host of the Excellence, Actually podcast, and on faculty at the University of Michigan’s Graduate School of Public Health. He’s also the author of a number of books, including The Way of Excellence: A Guide to True Greatness and Deep Satisfaction in a Chaotic World. Key Topics: 0:00: Life feels…

Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how well-intentioned self-help advice can drift away from science under the incentives of the attention economy, where overclaiming, alarmist framing, and “this one simple trick” outperforms nuance. They talk about how authority gets manufactured, how the algorithm encourages overclaiming, and how “theories of everything” lead to misinformation. Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss whether seemingly harmless pseudoscientific practices can create a slippery slope, lowering the importance of material evidence and acting as an on-ramp to more consequential misinformation. Key Topics: 0:00 Introduction 2:00 The attention economy 9:00 The problems with clickbait 18:30: The risks of sprawling expertise 25:15: Modality capture: when all you have is a hammer 27:15: ADHD and trauma 39:24: If science changes, what can we trust? 42:30: How “fringe” can become mainstream 50:10: How do you decide who to trust? 1:06:00: The slippery slope of “woo” 1:11:35: What’s a better alternative? 1:21:11: Recap…

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can put our key values into action in 2026. They discuss how we can identify authentic values, and then translate them into goals and daily behaviors while reducing our focus on outcomes we don’t control. Forrest focuses on insights from Self-Determination Theory, and Dr. Rick shares how to create a warmer inner climate, and they talk about the overall importance of self-belief. The episode includes a number of practical tools related to environment design, scheduling, social accountability, and how to overcome obstacles. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: What values are you focusing on this year? 8:50: Turning your values into plans 16:00: Motivation is “context dependent” 22:10: Claiming autonomy in an imperfect world 34:20: Turning ideas into specific behaviors 41:15: Updating self-concept 51:00: How to deal with normal obstacles 1:00:34: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to…

In this New Year’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest make the case that most resolutions fail because they focus on the wrong things: outcomes and behaviors rather than key values. They explore how we can identify our important values, embrace caring about them, and start to let them change our behavior. Forrest talks about how we can differentiate authentic values from “conditions of worth,” and Dr. Rick shares a number of ways to get more in touch with what matters to you. Topics include translating “shoulds” into values, experiencing more autonomy and agency, creating personal narratives, and finding your “stance toward the year.” Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: values, self-concept, and levels of action 7:22: Living from states of having, doing, and being 13:09: Stances toward life based in threat versus opportunity; what are you paying attention to? 20:18: Examining “shoulds” to find and define your authentic values 33:30: Emulating the people you admire and respect most 41:55: Strategies to identify your root…

Not caring - or nonchalance - is having a cultural moment. Nihilism is in, trying too hard is cringe, and the best way to cope with an often disappointing world is by not getting that invested. There’s just one problem: it’s hard to live a meaningful life without caring. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick close 2025 by making the case for healthy caring: choosing objects of care wisely, prioritizing process over outcome, and cultivating equanimity without slipping into apathy. They do this by exploring four common obstacles that keep people from caring, sharing practical ways to work with each of them. Key Topics: Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. If you are exploring…

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about resentment, highly sensitive people, situationships, and expanding the window of tolerance. In the first three questions, they explore how resentment shows up across different relationships, including with coworkers, family members, and romantic partners. They discuss when to speak up, when to let go, and the underrated options in between. They then talk about agency, self awareness, and the expectations of others through two questions about highly sensitive people and building tolerance for discomfort. They close with a surprise bonus question for Forrest from Dr. Rick. Key Topics: 3:51: Question 1: When should I address resentment with coworkers? 15:46: Question 2: How to deal with resentful family members? 24:26: Question 3: Is my jealousy and resentment post-situationship valid? 34:23: Question 4: What are appropriate requests as a Highly Sensitive Person? 50:30: Question 5: How can I build the capacity to embrace discomfort?…

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore one of the major topics in psychology today: the tension between "mainstream" and "alternative" approaches, and how to understand evidence-based care. Using the recent IFS controversy as a backdrop, they discuss what it means for an approach to be evidence-based, the real-world dangers of inflated claims, and therapy’s complex relationship with the medical model. They get into the weeds on study design, effect sizes, insurance, why different approaches may or may not have a large body of evidence, and how to think about the research on “common factors” in therapy. Dr. Rick and Forrest offer a simple framework for making good decisions amidst all of this complexity. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction: the IFS article 7:27: Psychotherapy as medicine vs. personal growth practices 15:31: “Don’t know” mind versus “durrr who knows?” mind 19:50: What counts as evidence? 29:58: What does it mean for a therapy to be evidence-based? 42:38: How do we know therapy works? 53:45: Getting on your…

Forrest is joined by psychiatrist Dr. Blaise Aguirre to discuss Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). They explore how extreme emotional sensitivity can lead to despair, self-hatred, suicidality, and an intense fear of abandonment, and how DBT can teach the skills needed to regulate those feelings. They discuss the nature of self-hatred, how to change the stories you’ve told about yourself, and how their insight and empathy can make people with BPD some of his favorite clients to work with. About our Guest: Dr. Blaise Aguirre is the medical director of 3East at McLean Hospital, a residential DBT program for adolescents and young adults, and is an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He’s also the co-author of a number of books including DBT for Dummies, and the author of I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Loathing and Realize Why You're Wrong About You. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 4:05: Common features of BPD 15:16: Skill-building versus…

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore toxic relationships, focusing on how to identify and exit them. Rick talks about how positive traits like empathy, loyalty, and a sense of duty can keep us stuck. They then discuss common relationship red flags like lovebombing, cycles of idealization and devaluation, power imbalances, and what Forrest calls “the fuzz.” Finally, they talk about how people can increase their chances of a healthy exit. Other topics include developing self-trust, trauma-bonding, shame, and avoiding the cycle of “maybe next time they’ll…” Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:05: Why do good people stay in bad relationships? 10:02: Relationship red flags: the dark triad, devaluation, lovebombing, and the fuzz 24:17: How this shows up in Dr. Rick’s practice 39:48: How to get out: building self-trust, increasing your options, and duty to yourself 1:12:33: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental…

Dr. Becky Kennedy joins Forrest for a conversation about building better relationships, with ourselves, our partners, and our children. They talk about Dr. Becky’s framework of “good inside,” and how we can apply it to ourselves. Dr. Becky explains how many of the struggles parents face trace back to their own childhood experiences, and suggests how we can reparent ourselves by learning emotional regulation, working with shame, and becoming sturdier. They also cover the limits of behavioral control models, deeply feeling kids, maintaining boundaries when things get hard, and building connection capital. About our Guest: Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist, founder of Good Inside, and author of the book by the same name. She has over 4 million social media followers, and is one of the most influential people in the world of parenting today. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 1:51: Self-development and individual agency in parenting 7:37: Dr. Becky’s process for addressing problematic behaviors 12:48: Parenting as an…

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about effective communication, healthy relationships, and contentment. They explore how defining boundaries, taking maximum reasonable responsibility, and extending an olive branch can help manage ongoing conflict without sacrificing your own needs. They then discuss the power dynamics, ethics, and practicalities of non-monogamy, emphasizing the importance of fairly balancing the rights and needs of everyone involved. Finally, they explore how to cultivate the habit of contentment, even amidst imperfect circumstances. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:36: Question 1: “We had an argument and now they’re being mean to me!” 14:18: Question 2: “I set a boundary, and they’re being really passive aggressive” 27:32: Question 3: “My partner wants a non-monogamous relationship. What now?” 48:14: Question 4: “I can’t find contentment anywhere, help!” 1:03:51: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow…

In this very fun episode, Forrest and Elizabeth discuss how to get on the same team in a relationship. They explore how conditions of worth, masking, and developmental trauma can get in the way of showing up authentically, and how falling into common relationship roles can reinforce this. Elizabeth talks about how healthy anger can actually be a productive force in a relationship, and how relationships change when both members start prioritizing the other’s wants and needs. Other topics include “dating yourself,” embracing the slightly weirder version of who you are, and celebrating self-exploration. Key Topics: 1:48: Getting on the same team 3:34: “Conditions of worth,” and authenticity 16:13: Vulnerability in relationships 25:38: Wielding anger effectively 38:05: Fairness, and honoring your partner’s needs 42:49: Dating yourself 47:35: Celebrating self exploration 53:57: Changing our relationship with our parts 01:04:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast,…

Today we’re featuring an episode from another show I think you’re really going to connect with: Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health. Can a meaningful friendship bridge a 51-year age gap and help combat social isolation? Meet Peter and Pooja; two unlikely companions whose intergenerational bond proves that friendships can flourish when we break down barriers and embrace human connection. In this episode of Turning Points, explore how Peter and Pooja’s weekly conversations through Boston's FriendshipWorks program evolved from a simple volunteer match into a life-changing friendship filled with book launches, grocery runs, and life advice that flows both ways. We also speak with Kyle Robidoux, Executive Director of FriendshipWorks. He shares insights on addressing social isolation and loneliness and how community-based friendship programs are strengthening social connections. Peter and Pooja's transformative friendship shows that when we approach relationships without preconceived notions, we can unlock…

Today we’re revisiting some of our favorite episodes to explore one of the most salient topics in psychology today: trauma. We begin by tracing its developmental roots with Dr. Lindsay Gibson and Dr. Bessel van Der Kolk, before looking at how it can be passed down through family systems with Dr. Mariel Buqué, associate somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira, and author Stephanie Foo. Dr. Jacob Ham and Dr. Peter Levine then share new perspectives on healing, emphasizing the importance of getting out of the head and into the body. Finally, Dr. Gabor Maté discusses the cultural context of trauma, arguing that it's a symptom of a toxic culture. Key Topics: 02:15: Dr. Lindsay Gibson on The Last Impact of Inconsistent Parenting and Lack of Attunement 23:16: Dr. Bessel van Der Kolk on Internalizing Abuse 39:34: Dr. Mariel Buqué on Intergenerational Trauma 58:54: Elizabeth Ferreira on Intergenerational Trauma, Complex PTSD, and Somatic Techniques 1:23:23: Stephanie Foo on Healing from Complex PTSD through…